Going Backwards

Hello Everyone,
I had some slight dissapointment here in week 6 as I actually gained about 2 lbs. To be honest, I kind of expected it. I had a week filled with birthday food and travel and stress. These are not excuses but contributions to what kicked me out of routine.

Travel is definately going to have to be a point of concentration for me. I'm doing a lot of it in the coming months. Stress is something I have to manage differently now that I'm dieting. The birthday may have had little to do with the gain except that my mom bought me cheesecake and expected me to eat it. I'm going to have to learn how to work these things out if I want to be successful.

Family kinda gets me though... My mom is always supportive of my endeavors but it seems like as soon as you tell someone you're on a diet, it's almost like they don't take you seriously and they want to get you all the things that are really bad for you. I know they are just trying to be nice but dammit, I want a fruit salad instead of birthday cake! (Ok, I liked the cheesecake but c'mon here..)

I've been hitting the gym but getting sick hasn't really been a motivater for getting up extra early to work out.

The one thing I'm determined NOT to do is quit. I've started this thing and I expect this won't be the first time in 52 weeks I post a gain. I got to thinking about all the times a gain has completely made me quit a diet and while I can't count exactly, it's happened a lot. Not this time...

So this week readers, please post me your comments on how you handle travel, stress, and celebration eating... how do you decline your mother when she gives you cheesecake? How do you decline anyone when they give you cheesecake? What do you do about party eating? These are very troubled spots for me so all the help you can give is appreciated!

Until next week...

Peace, Love, and Cheesecake,
Holly

8/21/2012

322.5 lbs

Size 26/28

Age 34

1/4 Pack a Day Smoker

One Woman, One Pound, and One Year Older... Weeks 3-5

Sorry for the backlog of posts my lovely readers... our internet was out for a bit. I've lost 4 more pounds in the 3 week absence and am feeling pretty good about the whole thing. But here's what's been happening...

So in week 3 I got the dreaded period. Male readers who may not be wanting to read this should skip to week 4. I'm not being sexist but I can understand if you hate discussion involving menstration. Any woman would probably say that one thing that can derail any diet is getting the period. You're bloated and hormonal and on about the second day, it takes all your willpower not to shove a bag of Lays in your mouth while eating a giant size Hershey bar. I didn't do either of these things but I did eat some chocolate and some salty snacks. I made it through on some 100 calorie pack stuff but what really bothered me was the water weight gain. I knew that I wouldn't lose as much that week and knowing that I didn't really cheat or stuff my mouth with crap, it kinda pissed me off. But, it's biology and I always hated science class so for my learning experience in week 3, I Googled why I'm so hungry... This answer came from Cha Cha... "Being more hungry, tired, thirsty and even hornier is all in relation to hormones being secreted by the hypothalamus." I still don't know what it means but I'm happy knowing it's hormones and not just some uncontrollable brain dysfunction that forces all women into lunatic eaters. And I don't know about you all, my female friends, but I don't think getting my period has EVER made me hornier. Moving on...

Week 4 was just as crappy as 3 and probably the only thing that saved me from myself was that I got really sick during the week and threw up a couple of times... I was so tired and stressed that I stopped tracking that week, got completely derailed from what I was doing both mentally and physically and just didn't have any focus on the goal. What was amazing though, was that from the previous three weeks and the cut to my calories, I wasn't as hungry and subconciously didn't eat terrible things so probably, I stayed close to or within my limits. Evenso, I only lost 1 pound but I'm still happy because that could've potentially been a complete trainwreck with weight gained instead of lost. No one likes getting sick and throwing up, but I can't say I'm sad about it.

Coming to Week 5... Another thing people will say wrecks a diet... holidays and birthdays. Today I'm turning 34 years old. I know, I know, I look much younger (thanks!) but... all kidding aside, I WAS a little worried about what today would do to me. I'm not a huge fan of cake, but I do like cake vodka. My husband bought donuts for breakfast and I can't really be mad because I love donuts. When I weigh in next week, I know today will probably play a factor in what that number says. However, I can still be proud of myself. Out of 12 donuts, I ate 1 and I counted it in my daily calories. I will probably save the rest of my calories for drinking tonight because I have a babysitter until two am, a designated driver, and since I've had a baby, it takes surprisingly little alchohol to get me drunk.
My point here in all this rambling is, I can still have a fun, drunk birthday with a donut for breakfast and stay on my diet. No, I'm not eating anything nutritious here. BUT - I also have a gym membership which I have underutilized up to this point. Maybe this week would be a good week to start thinking about serious, routine workouts... Starting tomorrow :)

Before I go, I have to thank you all again for the support and a few special thanks...
To my husband, for being so great to me and giving me a nice birthday free of stress..
To my friends Kent and Paula for bringing me healthy snacks all the way from Cleveland!
To my friend Jess... thanks for keeping me laughing, especially on the days when I wanna cry.

Have a fantastic week everyone! And if you're near the Waterfront in Homestead tonight, come have a birthday drink with me at the Blue Dust bar. I'll be the one counting the drink calories on my iPhone.

8/11/2012

320.5 lbs

Size 26/28

One year older :)

1/2 Pack a Day Smoker

Week One: How Calorie Counting Changed My Life or Eat Your Heart Out Inspirational Shows About Weight Loss

Hi All! I bet you're all so excited to know how I did week one, aren't you?! Wellllll... I'm not telling. Just kidding. I'll get straight to it in case you don't really wanna continue reading but just want to know if I'm an epic fail yet or not... I lost *drum roll* 2 1/2 lbs this week.


Yes, it's a loss and yes, I am a little disappointed BUT I discovered an amazing truth. No matter what diet you are on, it's not REALLY okay to eat and drink whatever you want. Shock and awe abounds I tell you! What do you mean you can't eat whatever you want?! What do you mean I cannot down three bottles of wine on a Wednesday and count the calories and still not lose weight?!


There it is folks, the ugly ugly truth is out there. It doesn't matter if you're counting points, counting calories, or doing a headstand while sucking slim fast through a straw... if you are eating the wrong kinds of foods, no amount of counting will save you.


What kills me is I KNEW THIS! And yet, because counting calories (which for all those playing at home is how I'm proceeding with this diet)... because this way of dieting is something I've never tried before, I actually fooled myself into thinking I could eat a muffin worth 800 calories and still lose weight during the week. Yes yes I know what you're thinking... But Holly, you DID lose weight! I did and hooray for me but I want you readers to take away the bigger picture here and be dumbfounded by the knowledge (as I was) that eating healthy calories will make you lose more and you will lose faster.


I think that a tiny part of me wasn't ready to admit this simple simple simple truth because no one WANTS to give up eating those little things that make you happy. I've always been a proponent of the justification clause on every diet... you know, that time when you say, "I have to eat at least ONE thing a week that's bad for me so I don't crave it and go crazy." I guess for some people, that might be okay. If you've got some jiggly bits and you love them, you'll lose your 15 or 20lbs and be happy eating that Snicker's Bar every Tuesday. I don't condemn you at all. I love you, I love your jiggly bits and I'd love to be eating your Snicker's bar... but that's the problem with me. I don't have just 15 or 20lbs to lose. I'm shooting for that 100lbs and in week one I've learned, that those things the trainers say on weight loss shows aren't just to make people cry and they aren't just to make fat people feel bad. I really do have to want this MORE than I want that horribly delicious muffin from the cafe in my work building. I really do have to want this MORE than I want to rob the Cheesecake Factory at gunpoint of all the cheesecake they have on hand. And finally, the biggest truth, I have to want this more than I want to drink... So I have to really start knowing that I DO, in fact, want this more than those things or there will be no point.


Well kids, that concludes Week 1 of the journey. I know that you'll all be dying to know what happens this week. Even if you're not, I'll still be back with Week 2 next Sunday or Mondayish. Big shout outs to everyone who left me a comment in support of this venture. I appreciate and love you all. Come back next week for more of my fatty adventures and revelations!


Love, Holly

7/23/12

324.5 lbs

Size   26/28

Working on going back to the gym.

1/2 Pack a Day Smoker

Prelude to the Next 365 Days of My Life

What am I doing? I'm deciding to publicly put up a blog about my quest to lose 100 lbs in one year. Why am I doing this? Welllll... that's a bit harder to answer. I think I'm doing it because a part of me wants to know that there are people out there who want to see me succeed at weight loss and I feel more accountable knowing I will be blogging about my week and my weight. 


But let's not get some things twisted. A few things to know here... 
1. I'm not looking for people to criticize me. I get judged everyday by complete strangers in the way they look at me and some unfortunate "whispers" I've overheard by people. I'm not so sensitive that it really bothers me but.... I, like almost every human on the planet, don't like being judged by my outer appearance. One of the things I've noticed about people is that they are so quick to call fat people names and say horrible things about them because they're overweight but the minute that fat person tries to lose weight, people REALLY start to pile on the criticism, making it even harder on the confidence of the person trying to lose. So don't hate. No one is forcing you to follow, read, or comment on this blog.


 2. I'm doing this for me. To be healthy and fit and be able to take care of my daughter and husband... I think that being healthy will help me to better do that. Since having baby Olivia, my body is not the same as it once was. While I have been heavy all my life, I feel that I've reached an unsafe weight that will lead to multiple health problems and cut my life with my family back considerably. 


3. Expect complaining some weeks when you read this. If you've ever tried to lose any amount of weight in your life, you know that it's hard. I'm not going to be Suzy fucking sunshine "I love working out and eating salad all the time!" I'm going to be pissed when I don't lose, I'm going to be complaining about not getting to eat the ice cream or giving up the few extra beers at the bar. I don't expect that to be all I blog about but don't jump my shit when I get a bit whiny about giving up some of the things I really like. 


These things being said, I appreciate and welcome meal suggestions, workout suggestions, encouragement and motivation. Humor and love also accepted. This is why I'm choosing to blog about this challenge... because while exposing myself in this way is extremely embarrassing, I know that it's going to be a push to do my best.


Starting tomorrow, July 15, 2012 until July 13, 2013 I am going to try to lose 100lbs. Right now, my biggest challenge is time to get to the gym and workout. I do have some home workouts and I know there is some supplementing that will take place. In addition to losing the weight, I think the smoking has got to go. I don't want to be in the middle of this process and have a stroke. While I'm giving up bad habits, quitting seems logical. However, I don't quite know if I'm going to be able to make that leap.. but I want to and I am going to try my best. 


So, cheers to the old outer me... I'll still be the same sarcastic and loving person I always was, just without the feeling that death is stalking me. And thanks in advance to my followers for participating/encouraging me in something that will change me forever. 


Much Peace and Love, 
Holly 

7/14/12

326 lbs

Size   26/28

No current workouts

1/2 a  Pack- 1 Pack a Day Smoker