Wow... An extremely large number of weeks have past since my last post and, I'm ashamed to say, I have only lost 3 lbs. While I wish that it weren't so, I still have no one to blame but myself and don't pretend that it is anything other than not finding the willpower and committing the time to myself to make more happen.
To catch you all up, it was a rough November and December with the loss of my Uncle Rich and my Grandfather. The move to a new location with my job and being crazy crazy busy has all taken it's toll. I briefly contemplated not even continuing to blog and try to lose weight but I feel somehow that now it is more important than ever. While celebrating my wonderfully awesome friend Jess' 30th birthday in November, we ended up crying in our beers (as usual) about how difficult this weight loss journey has been for me. It was Jess who helped me make my mind up that no matter what, I be forthcoming in this blog and keep up the fight, even though I just really want to give up most days.
My inspiration is coming from more than just the desire to be healthy for myself now.. Over the past few months, I've seen my daughter get bigger and heavier and I've watched her develop some unhealthy eating habits. This I can't watch happen and do nothing. I don't want to do any psychological damage and give her some sort of eating disorder but I also don't want these habits to stick and have her go through this same struggle. So - I HAVE to be a good example. I don't want this life for her. I don't want this constant emotional roller coaster and fighting to be happy and healthy.
So what's the plan? Paul has committed to meal planning and eating healthier. I have to say that it will be so much easier having my husband on board with what we eat. Plus, I believe he's starting to understand the kind of trouble I'm really in and that has given way to more support. I'm going to have to talk more to Olivia's doctor to see if there isn't some underlying issue with the amount of food she eats and come up with a nutrition plan to keep her healthy.
Finally, I have to acknowledge that my uncle and grandpa were both very unhealthy and very sick at the end of thier lives. In fact, I have trouble thinking of anyone in my family who has passed that hasn't been very unhealthy. I spend a lot of time with a bag over my head ignoring these flashing neon signs that are pointing to all the things I need to change. But as grim as it may be, I have to think of them every single time I reach for the unhealthy things, decide that the gym isn't worth my time, or worse still, think of Olivia without a mom because I was too selfish to change to stick around for her.
Thanks to everyone who continues to read and support me in spite of my long absence. I know I can't ask you all to care, especially when it seems like I don't. But I appreciate your tips,encouragement and all the love you give me in your comments. It might seem like a small thing to you but it is a very real thing to me. When I think of all the people I've heard about who want to change but don't have the encouragement, you all make me feel very blessed.
ONE last thing (I promise)... I am BEYOND proud of my husband Paul... He has finally quit smoking. If you've known him for any amount of time, you'll know that smoking was one of his favorite things ever. So if you stop by his facebook or g+ page, make sure you say congrats.
Talk to you all next week...
Love, Holly
322lbs
Friend me on My Fitness Pal if you use it!
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